Okaeri 2023: A Beautiful & Transformative Conference

This piece was originally published on Yo! Magazine on December 18th, 2023.

Written by Jasmine Kono-Song

I was honored to be part of such a large gathering of queer and trans Nikkei. My feelings of shame were replaced with pride, as I heard Japanese Americans of different sexualities, genders, and generations share their stories.

Since I was old enough to develop crushes, my parents taught me I could love whoever I wanted, regardless of gender. I was fortunate to be raised by sansei and yonsei social workers who took me to my first LA Pride. Although my parents were clearly allies, I struggled expressing and exploring my sexuality until I left Japanese American-filled Gardena for college. During my time in the closet, I attended the last in-person Okaeri Conference in 2018 as an ally. I co-facilitated the family and allies group with my Mom in support of my trans aunt and other LGBTQ+ individuals.    

Photography Credit: Scott Oshima

Growing up, I was actively involved in Dharma School, Sangha Teens, Jr. YBA, and other Nikkei community organizations, which were all pretty heteronormative. I was uncomfortable with the thought of not being straight due to the social pressures of conformity. Queerness was rarely addressed or discussed among my JA peers. However, the advocacy and involvement of my family in organizations like Ichi-Mi and Okaeri developed over the years. I was involved in Gardena Buddhist Church’s Ichi-Mi, an organization that creates a safe space for LGBTQ+ people within the temple. Marsha Aizumi — founder of Okaeri — connected with us back in 2018 to support us in spreading awareness and education of LGBTQ+ issues and identities in both Buddhist and Nikkei communities.  

Photography Credit: Willa Cutolo

I was honored to be part of such a large gathering of queer and trans Nikkei. My feelings of shame were replaced with pride, as I heard Japanese Americans of different sexualities, genders, and generations share their stories. 

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After 5 years, I finally felt comfortable to be my authentic self among other queer Nikkei at this year’s hybrid conference. The conference opened with an unapologetically-queer Friday night of drag bingo with Kristi Yummykochi. Saturday kicked off with an opening plenary of trans activists, Kris Hayashi and Cecilia Chung who spoke about their personal experiences with anti-trans legislation, and how to fight it with hope and collective action. More stories—and more tears—of hope were shared in the discussion “Uplifting the Rainbow,” allowing us to take a moment to soak in the joys of being queer in a world that does not want us to. I made sure to sit in on my aunt’s panel “When Dinosaurs Roamed” of queer and trans Nikkei elders, who have persevered in spite of their erasure and invisibility.

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On Sunday, I learned from community leaders about the barriers and successes in building LGBTQ+ Nikkei spaces. Both days included more intimate, identity-based meet-ups, so I chose to attend the bisexual/pansexual and LGBTQ+ groups' meetups. Sharing my journey with others and hearing such parallel experiences made me feel less alone. As a queer Nikkei, it can sometimes feel isolating and lonely being in predominantly hetero spaces.

Photography Credit: Willa Cutolo

After a weekend full of a wide array of emotions and experiences, we released our energy through Obon dancing led by Gia Gunn! This was the perfect way to culminate a Nikkei gathering of queer and trans folks — I could feel the love and liberation permeating the room.

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Okaeri’s mission is to “create visibility, compassionate spaces, and transformation for LGBTQ+ Nikkei and their families by sharing our stories and providing culturally-rooted support, education, community-building, and advocacy.” I truly felt empowered and seen by the speakers, panelists, and participants who shamelessly showed their vulnerability. I had the opportunity to meet people who share similar intersecting identities with me. It is rare to find around 207 LGBTQ+ Nikkei, parents, and allies under the same roof of JANM, as well as about 65 virtual participants. I grew up exploring the exhibits of JANM, and would have never imagined the space being used in such a beautiful and transformative way. 

Photography Credit: Willa Cutolo

Check out Yo! Magazine for more thought-provoking opinion piece with a focus on identity and culture.

"Sharing Out Stories: Japanese American Fathers & Their Gay Sons" Panel

On Sunday, June 5th, Okaeri hosted a virtual panel titled “Sharing our Stories: Japanese American Fathers and their Gay Sons.” Moderated by Eric Arimoto, the panel included Al Nakatani, Glenn Murakami, and Glenn’s son Kyle Murakami. Al and Glenn discussed their experiences as Japanese American fathers of gay sons, and Kyle and Eric provided perspective as gay Japanese American sons. Al shared his experience losing two of his sons to AIDS and the third to violence, and Glenn and Kyle shared their experiences navigating LGBTQ+ identity and allyship in the faith community. The panelists also discussed the challenges of LGBTQ+ identity and belonging, the impacts of masculine ideologies and cultural expectations, and the unspoken pain that can carry across generations. This panel provided powerful moments of shared understanding, and highlighted the unique father-son perspective that is often missing in larger LGBTQ+ discussions.

"Mental Health Awareness Month" Series

Our Mental Health Awareness Month series consisted of “Objects & Stories of Well-Being” workshop with Nikiko Masumoto, “Creating Care Teams“ workshop with Audrey Kuo, and “Navigating With(Out) Instruments: a reading and conversation on queer intersections, creative mapping, and mental health” with traci kato-kiriyama. The goal of our May programming was to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health, share resources with one another, and most of all, offer a virtual space to be vulnerable and speak truth to our experiences with mental health struggles.

We started off the month with Nikiko’s interactive virtual workshop where we were given various terms related to nourishment and care, and were prompted to gather items from around our homes that remind us of those themes.

In Creating Care Teams, Audrey shared a variety of resources and tips in creating support groups, specifically for when a loved one (or yourself) is experiencing a mental health crisis, or in need of organized support post surgery. You can view the various tools through our Resources page here.

Finally, traci shared excerpts from their book, “Navigating With(Out) Instruments”, and reflected on themes of grief, finding deep joy rooted in both biological and chosen family, queer love, and having permission to create as an artist. Their poetry and short stories are an excavation of memories lost and new dreams and worlds, visualized. Copies are available here, make sure to keep an eye out for their various book tour events.

"Coming Out, Coming Home" - Salt Lake JACL Chapter

On Saturday, October 9, 2021, the Salt Lake Chapter of the Japanese American Citizens League (SL JACL) hosted Okaeri’s Coming Out, Coming Home event. Held in conjunction with National Coming Out month, this event was put together with direct assistance from Okaeri and support by National JACL, OCA Utah, Plan-B Theatre, and the Utah Pride Center to help raise awareness and facilitate a discussion on Nikkei LGBTQ+ issues. The event consisted of showing the Coming Out, Coming Home video that was put together by Okaeri that highlighted Nikkei LGBTQ+ individuals over the age of 60, featuring their coming out stories and experiences. After the video, we had a facilitated discussion with the participants. There were a lot of wonderful perspectives that were represented in this group discussion, with participants ranging in ages from late teens to mid-60s. There were about 12 participants, which made for a very intimate and open discussion on topics related to each other’s coming out stories, the cultural/generational differences we each experienced, who supported us, etc. The youngest participant was also one of the most inspirational. He recently had been working through his coming out process while also going through some other personal health struggles, and after listening to everyone, he spoke up to voice how grateful he was for everyone’s stories of courage and support. He stated, with overwhelming compassion and sincerity, that we “literally saved his life.” This statement brought some of us to tears, and it really ended the event on a positive note! This young person’s experience directly demonstrates the importance of telling our stories, and it also highlights the importance of continuing to support the mission of Okaeri, SL JACL, and all other similar community organizations. We are all united in a common goal of loving and supporting minority groups, and we truly are stronger when we work together. Thank you so much, Okaeri, for putting this event together and for all you do for the community!

By Michael Iwasaki, SL JACL Vice President

“Coming Out, Coming Home” - Min’na no Mura

Min’na no Mura – A Village for Everyone, held its virtual “Coming Out, Coming Home” event on Saturday, October 16, which included a viewing and discussion.  The Okaeri-produced video focused on 4 Nikkei, all over the age of 60, and their coming out stories. After the video, the discussion points included

1. The post-WWII upbringing of Nikkei families, including the sentiment, “Do not bring shame to the family,” that was ingrained in many households.  This sentiment was, and perhaps still is, a reason why so many Nikkei stay “in the closet” and are not able to be their authentic selves in public.  

2. Marsha Aizumi shared her viewpoint as a parent that for individuals who have/intend to come out, having patience with family is key.  Parents have a coming out process, too.  Parents may fear the opinions and judgment of others based on their child coming out.  However, it is important to remember that when a person comes out, they are often seeking the support and reassurance of your love, though they may not ask for this directly.  

3. Coming out is not just about the sexual aspect, but also about an individual’s physical health, mental health, appearance, and the societal expectations and acceptance of family, friends, and colleagues.  

4. “Come as you are,” a Buddhist teaching that has been spoken many times by San Jose Betsuin’s Rinban Sakamoto.

The event was well attended by a diverse group of individuals representing the LGBTQ+ community, allies, and those interested in learning more about LGBTQ+ experiences. Special guests included Marsha Aizumi of Okaeri, Gabrielle Antolovich of the Billy DeFrank LGBTQ+ Community Center of San Jose, and Ronnel Corre of the South Bay Queer & Asian Organization.  

Min’na No Mura announced that they will provide 10 complimentary registrations for people wanting to attend the Okaeri 2021 Virtual Conference on November 12-14.

Leaning Into Solidarity

Thank you to those who joined us for a powerful program on July 18, 2021 regarding Disrupting Anti-Blackness in the Japanese American Community. We are so proud to have partnered with Omusubi to host a discussion with Traci Kato-Kirayama, Eri Oura, Mariko Rooks, and our Okaeri Co-Chari, Stan Yogi. Event recording is available at our Youtube page!

Join us for ‘Coming Out and Coming Home’

Letter to the community

Dear Okaeri Community,

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. As LGBTQ+ Nikkei, supportive family and allies, we know the slaps of institutionalized and everyday racism, homophobia and transphobia.  But we must remember that the Black community has endured systemic oppression and violence for centuries, from slavery to the murders of George Floyd, Tony McDade, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Stephon Clark, Oscar Grant, Emmet Till and countless others.

Some of us identify as Nikkei, LGBTQ+ AND Black, and consequently navigate the world that is fraught with more danger than for non-Black Nikkei.

Okaeri’s core values are love, hope and courage.  In this moment when the arc of history is bending toward justice, we encourage you to:

Act with love by:

• Educating yourself about the LONG history of anti-Black oppression and how Asian American and LGBTQ+ civil rights are built on the foundations established by Black activists, many of whom were murdered

• Listening without judgement to the anger of others, especially our Black family, friends and neighbors; try to be an understanding witness to their pain

• Expressing solidarity with our Black siblings by posting on social media and donating to Black-led organizations that are at the vanguard of the ongoing fight for racial justice

Act with hope by:

• Making sure you, your friends and family are registered to vote, and in the Fall voting for candidates who will fight for equity, justice, and inclusion

• Leaning into and sharing art that imagines bold societal transformation, and offers visions beyond the oppressive systems that continue to cause harm

Act with courage by:

• Having conversations with your parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, high school friends and others in the JA community who have expressed anti-Black sentiments (and we all know JAs who have), as well as non-Black LGBTQ+ friends who feel similarly. Talk about why they have those feelings and why you believe differently.  Here’s a powerful resource that could help you with those conversations. (Check “Letters for Black Lives” social media for updates on when translations in Japanese and other languages are available.)

• Channeling your anger, heartbreak and frustration by participating in street protests, if you feel it wouldn’t compromise your health. Remember to use precautions, like wearing a mask and standing 6 feet apart, to protect yourself and others from COVID-19 transmission.

With love, hope and courage,

The Okaeri Planning Committee